The Cheese Stands Alone...Politely!

I was going through the check-out at the grocery store the other day, when I lost my mind.  No, not really.  Well, close.  Basically I turned into a Mini-Me of my 78-year-old mother (what I call a “Miz Peggy”), something which seems to be happening more and more frequently as I get older.  Not that I don’t love my mom.  She is a fine, fine woman who doubtless deserves much better than to be lampooned by her whack-a-doo daughter online.  My mom is a realist though, and one with a fab-o sense of humour.  She’s the first one to say that she’s a bit of a nut.  I mean, who else would actually enjoy being put on the front page of the local paper to talk about her “bucket list”?  (I mean, besides me?)  Really, shyness is not something of which my mom could easily be accused, bless her. 

So there I was in Safeway, at the end of a long work week in dark, depressing January, doing a “Miz Peggy”:  perking along, chatting with complete strangers, searching the contents of my purse to find a super-valuable coupon.  Truly, I could feel the love radiating at me from the customers behind me in line.    Or maybe it was gas.  Hard to tell.  Anyways, I couldn’t find the coupon, so I did what any sane (read:  cheap) person would do:  I emptied the contents of my purse on the check-out counter.  Hey man, fifty cents is fifty cents. 

Sidebar:  I’d like to say right here and now that every mother thinks she’s got an odd assortment of junk in her purse.  And it’s true.  At one point or another, we all do.  Case in point:  last time I went out with my gal pals for a “wild” night of drinking and dancing, what did the hot twentysomething bouncer find in my purse?  Fruit-flavoured condoms?  A little black book?  Nope.  It was my boys’ Nintendo DS.  Let’s just say the “neat-o!” that came out of his mouth killed any delusion I might have had of being able to party with the young’uns. 

Meanwhile, I was emptying all the stuff out of my purse at the grocery store:  dental floss, Smarties, three sets of earbuds, a pair of mitts, gum (Used...thanks, Finny), Tupperware, popcorn seasoning, half a cucumber, plant spikes and a library book.  Of all those things, what did the guy behind me comment on?  The book.  “Oh, so you like those old-fashioned things, eh?”  Old fashioned?  Really?  I didn’t think reading a book on paper was all that “out there”.  I mean, I'm aware of e-readers, but it’s not like I was using an abacus or paying with a cheque and signing it with a turkey feather.  Please.

If reading actual books is old fashioned, it seems to me like common courtesy is getting to be just as rare.  My parents were big on teaching my brother and me manners, those crazy kids.  You know, holding doors, pulling out chairs, being sure to thank my mom for making dinner every night.  However, it seems like those things aren't so automatic for people nowadays.  I was at Subway the other day and the lady behind the counter surprised me by remembering my “usual” order, even though I hadn’t been there in weeks.  Her comment?  “Oh, I always remember the polite ones.”  Good grief.  I would hope it would take slightly more than my saying “please” and “thank you” to be a stand-out.  What’s next?  A free lunch for not spitting on the floor? 

So maybe I am a dinosaur for being polite, but manners aren't something I can shake.  Like a gag-reflex, or crows' feet, or that sad tattoo of an overweight lizard on my ankle, they're not going away anytime soon.  Did you ever hear about that gorilla in California that was taught to use sign language so she could speak to her trainers?  Well, if you didn't, I can tell you that one of the first things Koko learned to sign was "thank you".  I've told all three of my boys that good manners are what separates us from the apes, but I'm starting to wonder if that's true.  If the experience of the lady at Subway is any indication, Koko is probably more polite than most of the people that go through there on any given day. 

Okay, that's me done.  If you want me, I'll be in the back, reading my book.  Thank you very much.