B is for...

My topic today?  Well, it's one of my favourites, one I harp on almost as much as I go on about postpartum depression.  Bullying.  Bullies.  My whole life, my pet peeve has been people that are inconsiderate of others, and I guess it's pretty obvious that bullies fit neatly into that category. 

 

When I was little, I got bullied.  A lot.  It was partly because I was shy and quiet (hard to believe, I know), and partly because I was different.  I had short hair when all the kids (even the boys, back in those days) had long hair.  I had red hair, was pale and avoided the sun as much as possible, moving from patch of shade to patch of shade like a vampire.  I had an odd name that required me to correct my teacher at the beginning of every school year, since it was my middle name as well.  Confusing, right?  In short, I didn't stand up for myself, and I didn't fit in.

 

My most memorable experience of being bullied happened fairly early on in elementary school.  I was in Grade One, and two boys in my grade thought it would be awesomely fun to whip me with a broken skipping rope.  My face, my legs, my back.  After running away from them til I couldn't run anymore, I ended up collapsing on the playground, crying.  My older brother came over, hauled me to my feet and took me to the principal's office.  What the principal wanted to know was what had made these boys do this to me.  I had no clue.  It wasn't until high school that I finally asked one of them why he had done it.  "I dunno.  Just felt like it." was his answer.  Fab-o.  It was then that I learned that some bullies do what they do for no better reason than they can. 

 

Other bullies came along later in life.  Junior high was one big fun fest, considering that a group of kids in my homeroom used to make fun of me every day.  My clothes, my hair, my glasses, my lack of makeup:  it didn't matter, they ridiculed me for it.  Every.  Single.  Day.  Best part?  One of them was my brother's best friend and the other was my next door neighbour.  When I was at home, they "forgot" about how they treated me at school.  Nice.

 

By that point of my life, I understood that some bullies did what they did because they were feeling bad about something in themselves.  They hurt, so they hurt someone else.  They were afraid of not fitting in, so they fit in by making fun of others who were even more out of place.  I got it, but it didn't make things any easier.  I had kids tell me to my face how ugly I was.  I had people steal my books and throw them in the garbage.  I got pushed into lockers.  One day, two guys in my grade actually spat on me from the landing above.  This ridiculousness happened all the time, and I prayed for it to stop.  Did I bother to report it, you ask?  Nope.  Who wants to tell their principal that they've been spat on or pushed around or told they're *bleeping* ugly?  I was just glad to get to the end of it (sort of) when high school started.  Three years of misery finally came to an end. 

 

The thing about bullies, though, is that they grow up, too.  You don't leave them behind once you graduate.  Nope, they come out of the woodwork no matter how old you get.  The thing about adult bullying is that it can be much more subtle.  As such, it's sometimes hard to distinguish from run-of-the-mill constructive criticism.  Adult bullies usually  hide their bullying by saying that they are just "being truthful".  Honesty is their cover, and it can be crazy-making.  At least when you're an adult, you (sometimes) have the opportunity to respond to it and (hopefully) shut it down. 

 

Now, before you think all I'm doing is whining for no reason, I'll come (closer) to my point.  I watched a documentary with my sons the other day.  It was called "Bully", and I'll tell you, it was hard to watch.  Not only did I feel horrible for the kids in the film, it brought back so many painful memories of my childhood, it left me in tears.  It makes me livid to think that kids are still having to put up with this stupidity on a daily basis, especially after all the anti-bullying campaigns that have come and gone over the years.  I would have thought parents and administrators and teachers would be so attuned to any signs of bullying, that it would have gone the way of the dodo by now.  Or more like, there would be more efficient/effective ways of quashing bullying behaviour. 

 

Apparently, I am delusional.   As Depeche Mode put it so succinctly:  "People are people".  If they smell blood in the water, the sharks of the human variety are more than happy to take a chunk out of those who dare to be different.  On top of that the Internet, as it does with every social phenomenon, amplifies the reach of every antisocial a-hole on the planet. 

However (and here's that point I said I was coming to), there's a funny thing about bullying.   As heinous as it is, it has the potential to bring out the absolute best in people.  Bullying can transform a perfectly ordinary human being into a champ in no time flat.  Zero to hero, just like Malala. 

If you hadn't heard, Malala Yousafzai is the Pakistani teen who was shot in the head by the Taliban (those oh-so-brave defenders of honour and justice) for her activism regarding the right of females in her country to an education.  Shot.  In.  The.  Head.  For wanting the right to go to school.  Not only did Malala not die from these cowards' bullets, she was nominated for a Nobel peace prize this year.  Of course, there was a lot that went on before the assassination attempt.  Malala had done a great deal of work in her young life to that point, including writing a blog for the BBC about life under Taliban rule, and appearing in an American documentary about the same.   She knew that her stance was potentially dangerous, to her and her family.  She spoke out anyway, because that is the way to stop a bully.  Call a spade a spade and don't back down.  

I don't know if Malala was surprised at how many other people rallied to her defense, and how quickly they did so.  Probably not, because she is young and obviously idealistic.  I wasn't surprised.  When someone is so patently in the right (as Malala was, and continues to be), it's easy to support them.  Humans aren't born hating and hurting.  Their default setting is love.  Anyone who's ever looked into a baby's face knows that.  It's that inherent sense of justice that has pulled mankind back from the brink over and over again.

Bullying is bad, no two ways about it.  But as with everything in life, your response to it is what matters.  You can get bitter.  You can shrivel up and hide.  You can pick on others or kick your cat or drink or a million other negative things.  OR, you can use all that negativity and turn it around and refuse to get sucked in.  Stand up and say your piece, knowing that although not everyone is going to agree with you, YOU will know that you haven't been defeated.  And peace of mind?  There's two things about that:

1.  It's more precious than gold, that stuff;

2.  It's something bullies will never have.